Five Most Outstanding Fake Movies

One a recent episode of Jessie a faux Danish arthouse film was mentioned in passing. It was called Cries of Ice and Pain and elicited from me one of the few genuine laughs that show can ever get. However, it did bring to mind that there are quite a few fake movie titles mentioned or chronicled either in a film or on TV shows that are funny and in some cases that I’d want to see.

What I will list below are just the five most outstanding examples that come directly to mind. I’m sure I like many others, and as I’ve said before no list is ever complete, and I’d welcome additions to this list and other suggestions.

Je Vous Présente Paméla (Meet Pamela) in François Truffaut’s Day for Night

Day for Night (1973, Les Filmes du Carrosse)

I have a long history with Day for Night. Since I first saw the film I have watched it anew on the eve of every new production I’ve directed. While Day for Night is about the production of the aforementioned film there are but fragmentary glimpses of what the film actually is. However, there is enough information that would make it an enticing view. It may seem, in terms of the synopsis we get, to be a plain film, but the scenes viewed suggest otherwise.

The Purple Rose of Cairo in The Purple Rose of Cairo

The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985, MGM/UA)

Woody Allen’s faux film may be eponymous with the one he actually created. However, Allen beautifully and lovingly created Golden Age touchstones that made Farrow’s character’s obsession strike very true. While I personally, based on what is shown, may not have become obsessed with the tale, I could if a whole existed and I admire it for inducing such passion.

Don’t in Grindhouse

When dealing with faux films that are conveyed through faux trailers there are quite a few options one could consider. The bumps at the beginning of Tropic Thunder being quite memorable. However, if my wanting to see the film is a criteria, and is that an accurate rendition of a trailer style is also, then I must include Edgar Wright’s Don’t from Grindhouse. It not only emulates trailers of a certain era, but is also a hilarious send-up of the horror genre. For what else do people yell out at characters more than “Don’t…”?

The Pain and the Yearning on Seinfeld

Seinfeld (Castle Rock Entertainment)

The faux title that was the genesis for this post in all likelihood owes a debt to this Seinfeld faux film. I highly doubt there was a sitcom ever that created a vaster array of fake films than did Seinfeld. As with all things Seinfeld, the films are quite memorable, such as the tagline from Death Blow, or the climactic moment in Cry, Cry Again that is taped over with Elaine’s awkward, spastic dance. The amazing thing is we never see these films at all. In this episode we see video tape boxes, on occasion one sheets, and this is as close to seeing the film we ever get. It’s mostly about voice acting, scoring and the dialogue the main characters have about the film. What made me choose this one is that the one-line synopsis Elaine reads is “An old woman experiences pain and yearning,” which is a hilarious send up of the vague synopses some film have, particularly art films that are harder to summarize.

The Foot from Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011, 20th Century Fox)

One very old trope by now is: kids, without their parent or guardian knowing, watch a horror film and are terrified for the rest of the night. They subsequently cannot sleep and/or get paranoid about everything. Perhaps the best twist on this I’ve seen is The Foot in Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2 because the film they watch is highly ridiculous, but then they’re scared by it making an old hat routine much funnier than it normally is.

As mentioned before there are likely many other ideas that could’ve been on here. I’d be gladly reminded of some.

10 Keys to a Better Life as a Fanboy: 7. Suspend Disbelief (aka Get Into It)

This series of articles is designed to help you, the fan, try and divorce yourself from your attachment to source material and judge a film on its own merits and not in comparison to another work. These tips come from my own experience. I hope they are helpful.

Many of these topics do overlap one another but attack problems from different angles. This tip really comes into play if you’ve already managed to ignore number four. So here’s how:
You’re sitting in the dark of the matinee and you’ve got your 80 oz. soda and obese-family-size Twizzlers and you’re watching the same lame slides come across the screen repeatedly. The trailers for blockbusters-yet-to-be keep you only mildly amused. All this idle time has got you anticipating the film more than you had been before and you start thinking about how this director will handle the material? Or how such-and-such will do in this part and how the casting of character X will pan out. Boom. All the things you were supposed to ignore are back and suddenly the film starts and it’s distracting you.

This is where you have to grab the bull by the horns and just lose yourself in the story. Remember what it is that drew you to this material in the first place and look for it. If you find great, if not the film failed to an extent. Again this is not an attempt to excuse the film but just setting yourself up to try and judge the film before you and not measuring against another kind of work entirely.

Movies Viewed in 2011

This will be one of two running lists I will maintain. This list of all films seen in the year will assist in the assembly of a list of people and films to consider for my end of year awards.

Assorted Shorts and Features

1. Trevor
2. Juego de Niños
3. A Son’s Promise
4. Patrik, Age 1.5
5. Chasing 3000
6. Sin Destino
7. Thunderpants
8. Damned if You Don’t
9. Tom Brown’s School Days (1940)
10. Careful
11. Twilight of the Ice Nymphs
12. Time to Leave
13. Romulus, My Father
14. Following
15. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest
16. Shiver
17. Army of Crime
18. Enter the Void
19. Alamar
20. Dogtooth
21. Hercules Against the Moon Men
22. Let Me In
23. Little Men (1935)
24. Boogeyman
25. Shutter
26. Mrs. Miniver
27. Blake of Scotland Yard (1937; theatrical cut)
28. Boys Town
29. Men of Boys Town
30. Modern Times
31. Witness for the Prosecution
32. The Champ
33. Manhattan Melodrama
34. Peck’s Bad Boy with the Circus
35. Peck’s Bad Boy
36. Frankenstein (1910; Edison)
37. Bout de Zan Steals an Elephant
38. La jetée
39. Is Anybody There?
40. Rabid Dogs
41. Kidnapped
42. Four Times That Night
43. 5 Dolls for an August Moon
44. Baron Blood
45. Bay of Blood
46. Roy Colt & Winchester Jack
47. House of Exorcism
48. Lisa and the Devil
49. The Girl Who Knew Too Much
50. Knives of the Avenger
51. Kill, Baby…Kill
52. Night of the Hunter
53. Black Sunday
54. Black Sabbath
55. Texas Chain Saw Massacre
56. Sounds Like
57. Right to Die
58. Valerie on the Stairs
59. The Washingtonians
103. My Boy Jack
104. Pooh’s Heffalump Movie
107. Boy of the Streets
108. Triumph of the Will
111. King of the Rocketmen
112. Etoiles: Dancers of the Paris Opera Ballet
113. Friday the 13th: Part VII: The New Blood
114. Friday the 13th: Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan
115. Devil Fish
116. Attack of the Giant Leeches
117. B.T.K.
118. Pod People
119. The Giant Gila Monster
120. Piranha (1978)
121. Quicksilver Highway
122. Bambi
123. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
124. Jason Goes to Hell
125. Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe
126. Demented
127. Leave Her To Heaven
128. Oceans
129. Berlin: Symphony of a Great City
130. The Amazing Transparent Man
131. Basket Case
132. Blood Bath
133. Manhunt in Space
134. Flash Gordon’s Trip to Mars
135. Dance of the Dead
136. Dark Floors
137. The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
138. Demented
139. Shoot the Piano Player
143. 8 Femmes
144. The Redeemer: The Son of Satan
145. The Offspring
146. Red Zone Cuba
147. The Complete Metropolis (1927/2010)
148. What About Juvenile Delinquency
149. The Atomic Brain
150. Until the Light Takes Us
151. The Girl in Lovers’ Lane
152. Somers Town
153.Dumb & Dumber
155. Speech: Platform Position and Posture
156. Bloody Birthday
157. Posture Pals
158. Appreciating Our Parents
159. The Unearthly
160. Beginning of the End
161. The Girl in the Gold Boots
161. Tormented
162. The Indestructable Man
164. C.H.U.D.
165. Hamlet
169. Are You Ready for Marriage?
170. Charlie
171. Racket Girls
172. Sex & Breakfast
173. Milo
174. Tom and Lola
177. Martin
178. Dead Silence
179. The Crimson Wing: Mystery of the Flamingos
180. The Truck Farmer
181. I Accuse My Parents
182. Johnnie at the Fair
183. The Rebel Set
184. The First Spaceship to Venus
185. Die Wilden Kerle 2
187. Mad Monster
189. Earth
190. Warrior of the Lost World
191. The Beatniks
192. Mickey
193. The Crawling Eye
194. Hard Rock Zombies
196. Gunslinger
197. Easy A
198. What To Do On A Date
199. Swamp Diamonds
200. Junior Rodeo Daredevils
201. The Killer Shrews
202. Secret Agent Super Dragon
203. Circus on Ice
204. Monster A Go-Go
205. Crash of Moons
207. Monsters
209. The Nickel Children
210. The Corpse Vanishes
211. Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead
212. Phantasm IV: Oblivion
213. Child’s Play 3
214. Hellbound: Hellraiser 2
215. Echo (Ekko)
216. Teacher’s Pet
217. Saving Silverman
219. The Naked Gun
221. It’s Alive
222. Ballad of a Soldier
223. Black Orpheus
226. Bed and Board
227. Porcile
228. Knife in the Water
229. Sans Soleil
230. The Invisible Man
231. The Neverending Story
232. The Brood
235. A Dennis the Menace Christmas
236. Charcoal People
237. Robot Monster
240. Tell Your Children
250. Harpoon: Whale Watching Massacre
251. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
252. Reservoir Dogs
253. Jackie Brown
254. Pulp Fiction
255. Funhouse
263. The Box Man
264. Roads to Koktebel
265. The Howling
268. Biutiful
276. On the Shoulders of Giants
277. The Fab Five
279. Bride Wars
282. The Fugitive Kind
283. The Flyboys (aka Sky Kids)
285. Estômago
286. Cheiro de Ralo
287. Date Night
288. The Ballad of Nessie
290. Birdemic: Shock and Terror
294. Puppet Master
295. The Boogeyman (1980)
296. Demonic Toys
297. Smoke (Dym)
301. Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth
302. Screamtime
303. Dolls
305. Troll 2
306. Dark Tower
307. Dolly Dearest
309. Hellraiser IV: Bloodline
311. Hellraiser V: Inferno
312. Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker
313. Logan
314. Hellraiser: Deader
315. Hellraiser: Hellworld
316. Tremors 2: Aftershocks
317. The Concert
320. The Baby’s Room
321. The Horde
322. From Within
323. Duck Soup
324. Flying Deuces
335. Dinosaurs: Giants of Patagonia
341. Touch of Evil
342. Frankenstein
343. Bride of Frankenstein
344. Son of Frankenstein
345. Ghost of Frankenstein
346. House of Frankenstein
348. The Lost Boys
349. Planet Terror
350. Death Proof
351. Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice
352. Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest
353. Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering
354. The Boy Who Cried Werewolf (2010; TV)
355. Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror
356. Children of the Corn 666: Isaac’s Return
357. Children of the Corn: Revelation
358. Children of the Corn (2009)
359. Gamera
360. Gamera vs. Guiron
364. Creature from the Black Lagoon
365. Gamera vs. Zigra
366. Children of the Corn (1984)
367. Gamera vs. Baguron
368. Gamera vs. Gaos
374. The Thing (1982)
375. The Lion King (2011, 3D re-release)
376. The Monster Squad
377. In the Mouth of Madness
378. They Live
381. Escape From New York
385. Demons 6: De Profundis (aka The Black Cat)
388. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
390. Fantasia
391. Fantasia 2000
392. Dumbo
393. Nic and Tristan Go Mega Dega
395. Strike
396. Glumov’s Diary
397. The Cold Eyes of Fear
401. Ghoulies
402. To Let
403. Spider
404. Dorm
405. Session 9
406. Die Wilden Kerle 3: Die Attack Der Bestiegen Biester
407. Der Wilden Kerle 5: Hinter Dem Horizont
411. The Adventures of Ichabod & Mr. Toad
412. I Bury the Living
413. The Brain That Wouldn’t Die
414. Burnt Offerings
415. A Slit-Mouthed Woman a.k.a Carved
416. Trick ‘r Treat
417. Little Hercules
418. The Catman of Paris
419. Hellion: The Devil’s Playground a.k.a Cubbyhouse
420. Mad Monster Party
421. Forget Me Not
422. Videodrome
423. Return of the Living Dead
424. Audrey Rose
426. Wicked Little Things
427. The Chair
428. The Exorcist
434. Psycho
435. Final Destination
436. High Tension
437. Final Destination 2
440. Final Destination 3
441. The Final Destination
442. [REC]
443. Lake Mungo
445. Blood River
446. The Nameless
448. Boys’ Reformatory
449. [REC] 2
450. Pontypool
451. Face to Face
454. Taris
455. A Propos de Nice
456. Zéro de Conduite
457. L’Atalante
458. Pepito y La lámpara Maravillosa
459. Who Can Kill a Child?
462. The Wild Child
463. The White Ribbon
464. The Omen
465. The Fly (1986)
466. Jurassic Park
467.Berlin Alexanderplatz
468. Pit Pony (1997)
469. Burning Secret
470. Last Day of Summer
471. The Legend of Hell House
474. Out in the Silence
475. Carrie
476. Frankenhooker
477. Black Moon
478. Rare Exports
479. Rare Exports Inc.
480. Rare Exports Inc. – The Official Safety Instructions
483. Mallrats
488. Giorgio Moroder Presents Metropolis
492. Creepshow 2

Academy Award Nominated and Commended Shorts

60. Madagascar, A Journey Diary
61. Let’s Pollute
62. The Gruffalo
63. The Lost Thing
64. Day & Night
65. Urs
66. The Cow That Wanted to Be a Hamburger
67. The Confession
68. Wish 143
69. Na Wewe
70. The Crush
71. God of Love

Shorts of Jan Svankmajer

72. The Last Trick
73. Historia Naturae
74. Johann Sebastian Bach
75. Don Juan
76. The Garden
77. The Castle of Otranto
78. Darkness/Light/Darkness
80. Manly Games
81. The Ossuary

Internet Archive and Assorted Shorts

82. The Black Imp
83. Satan in Prison
84. Robinson Crusoe
85. A Trip to the Moon
86. The Kid
87. A Dog’s Life
95. Un Chien Andalou
96. Donald in Mathmagic Land
97. Six Men Getting Sick
98. The Alphabet
99. Lumière
100. The Amputee
105. The Grandmother
106. The Cowboy and the Frenchman
109. Wallace & Gromit: The Wrong Trousers
110. Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave
111. Wallace & Gromit: A Grand Day Out
167. Displaced
270-273 Stille Nacht 1-4
288. The Ballad of Nessie
299. Anemic Cinema
447. Pardon Our Pups

Gray Area Films

88. The King’s Speech
89. True Grit
90. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 3D

Eligible Titles for BAM 2011

91. Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll
92. The Green Hornet
93. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D
94. The Rite
95. I Am Number Four
100. Unknown
101. Battle: Los Angeles
102. The Adjustment Bureau
140. Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives
141. Winter in Wartime
142. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
154. Insidious
159. Source Code
163. Hanna
166. Soul Surfer
168. The Wrong Ferrari
175. Hop
176. Scream 4
186. Win Win
188. African Cats
194. Prom
195. Fast Five
206. Thor
208. Meek’s Cutoff
218. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
220. Bridesmaids
224. Alabama Moon
225. That’s What I Am
233. The Hangover Part II
234. The First Beautiful Thing
238. X-Men: First Class
239. Cave of Forgotten Dreams
242. Super 8
241. The Human Resources Manager
243. Brotherhood
244. Even the Rain
245. I Saw the Devil
246. Black Death
247. Toast
248. In a Better World
249. The Tree of Life
256. Hobo with a Shotgun
257. Trollhunter
258. Green Lantern
259. The Art of Getting By
260. Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summmer
261. Midnight in Paris
262. The Other Woman
266. Kaboom
267. Bad Teacher
269. White Lion
270. Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes
274. NEDs
275. The Way Back
278. Big Mama’s House: Like Father, Like Son
280. Olhos Azuis
281. As Melhores Coisas do Mundo
284. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
289. Winnie the Pooh
291. Rubber
292. Zookeeper
293. The Resident
298. The Ward
300. Heartbeats
304. Cowboys & Aliens
308. Captain America: The First Avenger
310. Crazy, Stupid, Love
318. The Suite Life Movie
319. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure
325. 13 Assassins
326. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
327. Terri
328. The Inheritance
329. Stake Land
330. Glee: The 3D Concert Movie
331. Senna
332. Final Destination 5
333. Dream House
334. The Reef
336. Fright Flick
337. The Help
338. Fright Night
339. Conan the Barbarian
340. Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D
346. Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
347. Our Idiot Brother
351. The Hole
352. Shark Night 3D
361. Creature
362. Dolphin Tale
363. The Tree
366. The Beaver
369. Super
370. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil
371. Red State
372. Bereavement
373. Le Quattro Volte
379. Potiche
380. The Music Never Stopped
382. Housemaid
383. Exorcismus
384. The Colors of the Mountain
386. Drive
387. Contagion
389. Hesher
394. Abduction
398. 50/50
399. The Guard
400. Brighton Rock
408. Catching Hell
409. Renée
410. Real Steel
414. The Dotted Line
421. The Thing
425. Charismatic
429. Paranormal Activity 3
430. The Three Musketeers
431. Fireflies in the Garden
432. Martha Marcy May Marlene
433. Take Shelter
438. The Real Rocky
439. White Irish Drinkers
444. Atrocious
452. Puss in Boots
453. Unguarded
460. Turkey Bowl
461. Tower Heist
462. Anonymous
472. J. Edgar
473. 11-11-11
475. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn- Part 1
476. Into the Abyss
481. Hugo
482. The Muppets
484. Melancholia
485. Attack the Block
486. Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension
487. Game Time: Tackling the Past
489. Bill Cunningham New York
490. Beginners
491. Turtle: The Incredible Journey
493. Deadtime Stories 2 In Progress
494. Limitless
495. Take Me Home Tonight
496. Life in a Day
497. Le Havre
498. Good Neighbors
499. A Borrowed Life
500. “Master Harold”…and the Boys
501. The Arbor
502. Poetry
503. Neverland
504. Deadtime Sories: Volume 2
505. Buck
506. Snowmen
507. The Chameleon
508. A Better Life
509. The Sitter
510. New Year’s Eve
511. The Skin I Live In
512. We Bought a Zoo
513. The Sleeping Beauty
514. Gnomeo & Juliet
515. Page One: Inside the New York Times
516. Adrift