Clerihews for Change

After the 2020 election I was perhaps going perhaps retire this page, or at the very least add a follow-up on why the Electoral College still doesn’t work (the math breaks down similarly to 2016 even with Biden flipping the EC score on Trump). Taking it down became a possibility, but as the pandemic has seriously slowed my activity on this page neither thing happened. In the end my doing neither of those things was the right decision. I won’t post much here, just as I didn’t in the intervening four years, but when things of significance arise and I feel a need to address them I want to keep the option open. 

I wasn’t alone in dreading the lame duck period in the last quarter of 2020. Little did I know what would transpire. As the post-election period dragged on with Trump perpetuating the Big Lie these poems I wrote became more about venting, and maintaining my sanity, than having some kind of design attached to them. 

When I discovered the Clerihew—a form of poetry irregular in its construction; four lines, two couplets, line one merely introduces the subject and it usually discusses an ignominious aspect of their life/career—it seemed a perfect way to memorialize the beggars after our democracy’s demise who were the architects of the administration. After reaching the arbitrary goal of one-a-day I was done ahead of January 20th. 

Initially, the events of January 6th made me feel that any designs for these poems (merely publishing them, or publishing it with links with targeted fundraising links) seemed a unnecessary aim for a while. However, as time had gone on and the Republican Party had doubled down exponentially on its antidemocratic, fascistic leanings and sought to whitewash the events of January 6th it’s become more necessary to stay vigilant. It’s only been four months since that horrific day, which is not that long ago. Yet, other terrible events; the overwhelming, various needs of this moment in time, inaction and downplaying has made it seem an even long-past and not the active threat it is, especially with recent (and sure to continue) efforts by Republicans to derail investigations into the events of January 6th. That’s why I feel it’s important to share this now (with a link in each to potentially inspire further action). 


President Donald Trump,

Made of the White House a dump.

All in its employ

The nation sought to destroy.


Attorney General William Barr,

Faithful servant of the Orange Czar,

There is no institution he can’t subvert,

No law he can’t pervert. 


Administrator Emily Murphy,

Following the whims of President Slurpee,

Debilitating the incoming president, duly elected, 

So a fragile ego remains protected


Secretary of State Mike Pompeo

Hates the song “Bamboleo,” 

Promises smooth transition to second Trump Administration,

Dabbles in fascistic masturbation.


Senator Roy Blunt

Is a sycophantic cunt

Saying Trump “May not have been defeated

Asinine lies he repeated. 


White House advisor Peter Navarro

Echoes claims bizarro.

A PhD from Harvard

Ends up a blowhard.


Senator Lindsey Graham

A Southern honey-glazed ham

Throws millions to sway the Senate

And support Trump being obstinate.


Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani,

Incoherent, sad, and whiny;

Adjacent to a dildo store

Went from America’s Mayor to America’s Whore. 


National Security Advisor, John Bolton

Wants to nuke the world till it’s molten.

Abandoning Trump, he cried foul,

Asked to testify, he said not now


Press Secretary, Kayleigh McEnany,

Never accused of being brainy,

Said she would never tell a lie,

Then killed the truth just to watch it die.


Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett

A phony, the religious right’s parrot.

A relic of bygone fiefdoms,

She forgets the five freedoms


Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanagh,

Are you crying or naw?

Never in a flow of tears

Has one professed their love of beers.


Counselor, Counselor Kenneth Starr,

How I wonder what you are

Aider? Abettor? Turncoat?

Hypocrite? Charlatan? Showboat?


Advisor, so-called doctor, Scott Atlas,

You downplay the virus

Saying “rise up” fomenting insurgency

And thus exacerbate an emergency. 


Senator Chuck Grassley,

Likes letting people live mask-free,

Won’t congratulate Biden

Now he’s infected and hidin’.


The Wayne County GOP 

Wanted to speak for its citizenry,

Democracy they tried to douse,

Earning them a visit to the White House.


Senator Kelly Loeffler

Shady stock shuffler.

Silent in defense of her people

She’s one of Trump’s sheeple. 


Vice President Mike Pence

Doesn’t have a lick of sense.

In charge of combatting corona

He’s full of bologna. 


Ricky Schroder 

Emits a racist odor.

Freed a manslayer

To feel like a Hollywood player. 


Stephen Moore,

Economist turned whore,

Says Trump will leave triumphant

While irreparably damaging the elephant.


Ex-Governor Chris Christie

Started with awkward complicity,

Ends with embarrassment 

At attempted disestablishment.


Congressman Jeff Van Drew,

A Trump knight, shiny and new,

Parlayed his defection

Into spineless re-election.


Ronna McDaniel, RNC Chair,

She sees voter fraud that’s not there.

Supporting legal action

To bolster a lunatic faction.


Little Marco Rubio,

Policy formed in a studio,

An anti-intellectual

Wholly ineffectual.


Senator Ted Cruz

Sounds dumb without booze

Sucks up to Trump

Who played him for a chump


Steve Mnuchin,

The hairless capuchin,

Photo-op money sheet,

Stimulus hiding, neat!


The Disgusted Caucus,

Never raucous.

Bernstein revealed

Whose lips were sealed. 


Chair of the FCC, Ajit Pai,

The oversized mug guy.

He hates net neutrality

And loves partiality. 


Former Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Thinks she’s an Applebee’s Ned Flanders.

Unrepentant for all her lies

Serving the Lord of the Flies.


Trump lawyer Joe diGenova

Punches Blind Justice in the ova.

Thinks Krebs should be executed.

He should be prosecuted.


Trump lawyer Sydney Powell

Her conspiracy theories will make you howl

“Voting machines

Are very mean!”


Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos

Believes in learning at a high cost

She wants you wallowing in debt

While she’s on a private jet. 


Representative Max Brooks

Finds honor in league with crooks.

Wants to challenge the Electoral College

Thinks someone’s been eatin’ his porridge. 


Senator Mitch McConnell,

Protected by his tortoiseshell,

Cries for a retiring friend

Not when lives end.


Karl Rove

The potbellied stove,

Strategist of corruption

Hellbent on destruction.


Retiring Senator Lamar Alexander,

The Tennessean Salamander,

Hopes for bipartisanship on his way out

Did nothing in his years to bring it about.


Newt Gingrich

Predator in a ditch.

Left his wife when she had cancer,

The Republican Party’s private dancer. 


Governor Ron DeSantis

Will never recant his

Urging Trump challenging the election.

Purging voters gives him an erection.


Michael Flynn

To the chagrin

Of the legal community

Had his crimes met with impunity


Anthony Scaramucci, employed eleven days.

He speaks in unusual ways.

He’s not trying to suck his own cock.

Now Trump he does mock.


KellyAnne Conway

Such a long stay.

Purveyor of alternative facts

Not a scrap of integrity intact. 


White House Trade Advisor, Pete Navarro

Wants to be Trump’s bro.

Violates the Hatch Act

No consequence, just a fact.


Congressman Jim Jordan

Clean as an oil can.

Ignores sex crimes in plain sight,

Says a defeated POTUS should fight. 


Congressman Alex Mooney

A certifiable looney.

Wants to condemn saying Trump should concede

He’d much rather watch democracy bleed.


Ron Johnson

Demented senator from Wisconsin

Wants to challenge the Electoral College

Because he lacks courage.


Failed candidate Caroline Colarusso

Lost by forty-nine points so

She’s claiming voter fraud

Because the software was used abroad.


Representative Michael Waltz

A man of many faults

Wanting to reverse the election is so unacceptable

He forced an apology from the Orlando Sentinel.


Representative Dan Crenshaw

Rejected character from Hee Haw.

Smeared vets

One of Trump’s pets. 


First daughter Ivanka Trump

A shoe-designing Forrest Gump

Because she’s pretty

She thinks people can’t see she’s shitty. 


Florida Representative Matt Gaetz

Lies about COVID he perpetuates

Always one of Trumps’ best subjects

Cares not what minds or body he infects.


Second Son, Eric Trump

The family chump

Tries to tweet 

From his baby seat


Trump Attorney Lin Wood,

Up to no good

Says to stock up on “second amendment supplies”

He’ll be cheering while everybody dies.


Donald Trump, Junior, First Son,

Debatably the worst one.

Frequently bestows upon us malediction

Is likely dealing with an addiction.


Senator Rand Paul

Is not right y’all

Thinks the election was “stolen in many ways”

This probably why he was punched in the face.


Congressman Ken Buck

Is one dumb fuck.

More concerned about a vaccine than a virus

Says he refuses, “I’m an American,” spare us.


Senator Joni Ernst

Told lies as heinous as one canst.

Led many into the mortal decline,

For the vaccine, she cuts the line.


Russia Probe player George Papadopolous

To convict a coffee boy is suspicious.

Abuse of the powers of pardon

Gives Trump a hard-on. 


“Overturn Caucus” member Senator-Elect Tommy Tuberville,

Whose knowledge of governance is nil,

Would also like to overturn losses against Alabama

In the primary he beat someone who should be in the slammer. 


Senator Rick Scott

The bald snot

Didn’t want to give Americans money.

But he’s gotten COVID…funny. 


Dr. Deborah Birx

Chided Trump with condescending smirks

Despite ‘rona she skipped town,

Now she’ll no longer be around. 


Paul Manafort

Pardoned for sport

By a lame duck

in a clusterfuck.


Roger Stone

Won’t leave us alone. 

Now we can see his back tat

And his little stupid hat.


Actor and religious zealot, Kirk Cameron

May end up a story in the new Decameron.

He thinks masks and stay-at-home orders unkind,

But he’ll be the one who ends up left behind. 


Senator Ben Sasse

Is such an ass.

Finally calls Trump out in public

When the party’s done nothing but boot-lick. 


Trump in-law, Charles Kushner,

Tax evader and witness pusher,

Part of Trump’s pardon spree

Despite all the negative press covfefe. 


Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene

Extruded from the Qanon conspiracy machine,

My body, my choice when it comes to a mask

Giving women reproductive freedom is too big an ask. 


Representative Louie Gohmert,

Suing Pence on behalf of the butt-hurt,

Trying to make Trump smile,

A modern day Gomer Pyle. 


Senator Josh Hawley of Missouri

Seeking to inflict democracy injury

Vows to challenge election results

To spare himself Trump’s insults. 


Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient, Devin Nunes

Earned his dubious distinction as soon as

He crawled up Trump’s butt, doesn’t deserve it, no way, no how.

More deserving of the honor would be his cow


Representative Mary Miller

Token Nazi seat-filler

Thinks Hitler was right to indoctrinate youth,

Methinks she’s unfit to serve forsooth. 


Representative Lauren Boebert

Member of the Legion of the Butt-Hurt,

Tweeted today is seventeen seventy-six

Signaling dangerous lunatics. 


Former Representative Dana Rohrabacher

The congressional tommyknocker 

Serving Russia, made America a fool 

There is no Dana, there is only Zuul.


Congressman Paul Gosar

Likes taking things too far,

Tried challenging Biden to a fight,

One of the leaders of the unhinged right. 


Alt-right slobbish soothsayer Steve Bannon

Forever in the Trump canon.

The architect of the destruction of the administrative state

Now this bastard, the law cannot castigate.


Senior Advisor Stephen Miller

Aspirant psycho-killer,

Qu’est-que c’est? he’d say suspicious of you

If he wasn’t a xenophobic, racist Nosferatu.